Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose.

Dearest Kinsey, 

I am deeply convicted. My tongue is out of control. So much of what I say is pure poison. And I wonder why I feel my life and relationships becoming fragile, or distant. I cannot teach you to be this way. My heart aches because although I know I can be better, that God can and will help me. I am downtrodden still the same with the fact that this will rub off on you. Even if I curb so much of it, I will still fail. Fail you. I will fail you.
Oh Lord, please shield my precious little girl from my shortcomings.

Suicide of the Bumbo

Its true. The Bumbo committed suicide on Hwy 22. It just jumped right out of the back of the truck. I didn't even know until a few minutes later...when I went back for it, well let's just say, it was done.  It served well. Goodbye Bumbo.

The misadventures of Kinsey Jewel

Ok. We've tried swimming, as you can see above. I'm not sure its your favorite activity. You much prefer kicking the floor. Or eating. Or flapping your arms up and down. But I just love this picture of you Miss Kinsey. You look just, I don't know, like the calm after the storm. "Whew! I'm in momma's arms, not in that water anymore." Too bad, I have way too many cute swimming suits for you to wear- you are just gonna have to get over it, and do this for momma. I promise to be there with you. I won't let anything happen to you- I promise darling.
This just makes me think about all the things I avoid because I'm afraid I will fail. Don't look at life that way Kinsey. Its way too short to always be holding yourself back. Experience life. Learn life. Failure doesn't matter. It really doesn't. If  it did, then God wouldn't love us the way He does. I don't care if you fail at something. At anything. You are still my daughter and I love you. I love love you. More than I can express. And He loves you even more, and better, and more completely, and totally unselfishly. Awesome, isn't it? In every meaning of the word, awesome. So go on, try new things, experience new life, open your heart to others, tell others the truth. It doesn't matter if you fail. I'll be here to catch you, comfort you, encourage you. And if I fail at that (which I'm sure I will at some point), God won't. He's the only one that won't fail EVER. His salvation doesn't fail you, He won't fail you, His word won't fail you.
Happy misadventures baby!
Love,
Your Momma,
Heather Jo

Kinsey: My Heart

To my heart, Kinsey Jewel;
Daddy and I have invested in a new home for our family.It is a crazy time, I am exhausted but excited, and nervous at the same time. Last week, you were being watched by Kat, and then by Sue and I didn't see you awake at all that day. I think that might have been the saddest day in my life so far. I came home, exhausted, covered in paint, with a monstrous headache, and there you were sleeping so soundly and sweetly, and my heart burst. I just started crying. I couldn't believe how much it hurt to not see you for a whole day. How much I've come to depend on you to lift my spirits, and make me feel needed and loved. I wasn't in despair or crisis, I just realized that what I'd been told was true- your child is like living with your heart outside your body- real, alive, vulnerable, everything that encompasses you out there for someone to hurt, or take advantage of, or disregard as unimportant. It hurt. Physically but most intensely emotionally. I love you my little heart. I know this is only the beginning of the pain I will feel throughout this adventure of motherhood, but I like it (I think).
Your momma,
Heather Jo