To my heart, Kinsey Jewel;
Daddy and I have invested in a new home for our family.It is a crazy time, I am exhausted but excited, and nervous at the same time. Last week, you were being watched by Kat, and then by Sue and I didn't see you awake at all that day. I think that might have been the saddest day in my life so far. I came home, exhausted, covered in paint, with a monstrous headache, and there you were sleeping so soundly and sweetly, and my heart burst. I just started crying. I couldn't believe how much it hurt to not see you for a whole day. How much I've come to depend on you to lift my spirits, and make me feel needed and loved. I wasn't in despair or crisis, I just realized that what I'd been told was true- your child is like living with your heart outside your body- real, alive, vulnerable, everything that encompasses you out there for someone to hurt, or take advantage of, or disregard as unimportant. It hurt. Physically but most intensely emotionally. I love you my little heart. I know this is only the beginning of the pain I will feel throughout this adventure of motherhood, but I like it (I think).
Your momma,
Heather Jo
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