This parenting thing is really challenging me...

I'm sure you've read it here before, but I can't seem to grasp how hard parenting really can be. Not even "can" be, but really just IS. Brace yourself Kinsey for some truth- I no longer have my life to myself, to do with "basically" as I please, have expendable income to do fun things, to only not sleep through the night because I drank too much caffeine, not worry about how to discipline, what foods to feed someone else, what example I'm setting, what bad habits I'm teaching you, and no germs to have slimed all over my face at any given time or place. 


Now having said all that. . . I love you. I wouldn't trade all those "rights" and "privileges" I had before for the privilege I have of being your momma. Sometimes I get worn down, my resolve dissolves, my spirit falters, my hope fades and all seems hopeless. Like this is just a cruel joke. And I'm not getting the short end of the stick- you are. Which makes it seem even worse. 


Lord help me. I believe that you chose to give me Kinsey as a beautiful daughter, I don't understand why, but I believe you did for a reason. 
Help me to be the best for her. The best of what she needs. The best of who you made me to be. Help me overcome my unbelief and embrace my calling as her momma. 


Kinsey I love you muchly. 
Your momma, 
Heather Jo

Clingy Girl

Well, you caught a stomach flu and a cold this week. I felt so bad for you. I wish I could see inside your head to see what you were thinking. But now, now you want me to hold you all the time. And you cry and whimper. I want to comfort you but it makes me worry that something worse if wrong with you. I cry with you and pray that the Lord will give me discernment to know if you are just needy or really in pain.  Now, if I can stay healthy that would be literally a miracle!

Growth Spurt on the Horizon? Or Hanta Virus?

so...you've been sleeping... a LOT, the last few days. And eating a fair amount. Enough to make daddy ask " Does she usually eat this much in one sitting?"
I don't know if its because of my internet "research" on hantavirus while we were getting rid of our friendly neighborhood rats, or just plain mommy anxiety. But I can't help but think that you are sick. I hope its just a growth spurt- about time really!
I pray for your protection and immune system every night as I lay awake, unable to sleep because I'm afraid. Afraid of losing you. Afraid of the guilt that would follow me around if you did indeed get sick. Afraid that my marriage would end because I would blame daddy for not taking care of the rodents soon enough. Afraid that you would suffer for my lack of well, everything good.
I might actually feel better if instead of beating up on myself figuratively, I just did it literally.
Hide the baseball bats.

Your momma,
Heather Jo