Materialism

My Beautiful Kinsey Jewel,
I have to admit to you my little girl that I am completely materialistic. I desire to be content with what I have and what God provides for me. But I find myself constantly craving more. More of anything. Food. Clothing. Jewelry. Cosmetics. I'm always changing what I like and it becomes difficult and nearly impossible to satisfy myself. I have been convicted to put some serious work into this flaw. I want to overcome. I know God can do it in me. I do not want you to struggle with this. I am praying for you little one. By His grace I will be able to be a godly example of contentedness for you Kinsey. By His grace. And if by some reason I am still struggling with this, He will touch your heart and mind to understand that I am human, imperfect and still learning. And that you have the will and strength to overcome with His help what I could not. I believe that. I believe that you are special. You were created by His hand. In His timing. For His purpose. I pray for you every night before I fall asleep, that you will have a transparent, genuine relationship with Him. A relationship that is vital to the fullest life possible. This very moment you are napping, and snoring a little, and I find my heart to be full. Full of love for you, full of anticipation to discover who God created you to be, full of anxiety that I will permanently damage your delicate soul. Its so much. I'm not sure I can take in anymore. I love you Kinsey Jewel. His Royal Victory and Precious Stone.

Your Momma,
Heather Jo

Fearing Change.

Why do I fear change? The picture in this post is of me about 8 years ago. Since then I've lost 60 pounds, changed my hair color, married my first kiss and had my first child. Not to mention that I went through a dramatic awakening and deepening of my walk with the Lord. And yet, I fear change. All of those changes were for the better. I'm a better, more whole, beautiful person because of them and still I dig in my heels. I don't want any change because I fear it to be bad change not good. But for every bad thing there is a bigger blessing around the corner. Whether that is because its easier to appreciate the good things when you just experienced strife and pain.

Before I ever had Kinsey, mothers would tell me all the pain, discomfort, food cravings, frequent bathrooms breaks and even labor were worth it for that little bundle. I thought they were all crazy. Now on the other side, I think that none of those experiences are fun but we endure them because we know there is a prize at the end of it all. Along with that prize comes a whole new level of responsibility and love that I've never experienced before. I love that little girl so much. I was afraid that I wouldn't love her but I SO do.
So yet again a change that has become a beautiful blessing.

The time will come when God moves me on from my current place, and I fear it. I know it is not my purpose to be comfortable here on earth- but honestly-I want to be?!

Kinsey Jewel Martin

Three months and 19 days ago I was in the hospital changing my life and seeing a new one begin. My daughter Kinsey Jewel was born on December 6th, 2009 at 1:29am. I've decided to create this blog for her. She can read it when she wants. Its not only for her, but for our friends and family, but she is my motivation and inspiration. My walk with the Lord has taken some turns into "dark alleys" as of late...and I love to journal.. so I'm trying the blog thing. Let me tell you what I am not. I am not reserved. I am not ashamed. I am not an optimist. I am not particulary well-spoken. I am not what the world would consider successful. I am not a role model. I am not perfect. On the other hand I am strident: outspoken, harsh. I am a worshipper: disciple and follower. Or at least I'm striving to be.